Ted, I can say this with all honesty: you are the only person I know who takes great pride in his farting. I donâ€™t think itâ€™s an art, but I think you have elevated farting to a craft, and a mighty subtle one at that. You are a Fart Maestro Extraordinaire or Primo Farter Absoluto. I know no one that can singe nose hair like you. If only you could use your talents for the forces of goodâ€¦
And you know, if you gave Jim a Dutch oven and he passed away from your passing gas you could be tried and probably found guilty for voluntary manslaughter.