Spiders are gonna get you!

Heidi's reaction when teased with a spiderI have many jobs, but money isn’t the only salary. Sometimes I work to torment my friends and family. It’s the Scorpio Asshole in me.

Take Heidi for example. She’s afraid of insects. Not in the “I don’t like bugs, icky!” mode. She’s bat-shit crazy about bugs and has been known to freak out when a bug lands on her windshield wiper while driving down the road. The thought of a spider crawling up her leg would motivate her to get a chainsaw and hack her leg to pieces.

Naturally, one of my jobs is to deliver a steady stream of insects to Heidi’s Facebook, SMS, and emails. Here are some recent additions.

Attack of the White Tail Spider

A kid with a serious obsession with pouring spiders on his body

Trees covered with thousands of spiders

Seemingly innocent hair ball erupts into thousands of fleeing spiders

The mother of all spiders is gonna get you!