Blast from the Past

Nostalgia sucks. It sucks you into a steaming pot of “oh my god I remember that site…”. Here are some of the web pages that opened my eyes to the potential of this internet thingy.

I am better than your kids

ugly drawing of a face by a kidPossibly the first and best troll on the internet. No kid’s artwork is safe from Maddox’s curatorial tongue. The page also has an appropriate URL: TheBestPageInTheUniverse.Net

I hate clowns

One of my first emails addresses was Bubba@iHateClowns.com. I had the tshirt and sticker to match. I still hate clowns.

Doodie

Ah, there’s nothing like the smell of a doodie cartoon in the morning. It smells like… Internet Gold. Doodie delivered a fresh poop-toon every morning.
drawing of man on toilet writing you're stupid on the bathroom stall in 1993. The same guy doing the same on a forum in 2013 Now they’ve expanded to non-poop cartoons.

The Steakhouse Incident

Apparently, early internet pages were filled with potty humor. The steakhouse incident is the finest example of splattering the walls.

Paris Street View

Google made street view maps famous, but Pages Jaune provided street view photos of all Paris addresses way back in the early 2000s. You can still catch a glimpse of the images in the Immersive view.

My first web site

I built my first web site in 1997 and it was a real beauty. Enjoy the awkwardness of By Business Page Maker-built web design: Ted Drake.

So Tasty!

Ah foodies and their search for the next big taste. The pursuit leads one to new locations, tastes, and aftertastes. The following stories are so tasty!

In 1979, Les Blank took a detour to film German filmmaker Werner Herzog honoring a vow he made to Errol Morris that he (Herzog) would eat his shoe if Morris ever actually made one of his films he was forever talking about. Stung to action, Morris directed Gates of Heaven and Herzog, true to his word, returned to Berkeley to consume one of his desert boots at the UC Theater. Blank’s film documents Herzog’s strongly expressed belief that people must have the gutts to attempt what they dream of.

Tasty Headlines

Ain’t I a Beauty

Fluf, a band from San Diego in the mid 1990’s, was notorious for never appearing in their press photos. The release of a new album or photo opportunity was always a joy for their fans.

Facebook, aolder pug with huge tongue web site from Mountain view that started in the mid 2000’s, required users to upload a photograph of themselves for their profile. The release of my new profile photo is reason for my adoring fans to celebrate.

Here are some of my most glamorous mug shots.

ugly dog contest winner

German shepard with crazy eye mask

bulldog drinking water from a fountain

crazy mask made of candy

cairn terrier with mouth open

electron microscope scan of microscopic critter

pug with four eyes

grey hound with sweater

comic book from movie goonies

llama screetching

Ted as an opera singing lego

pregnant guinea pig

Spiders are gonna get you!

Heidi's reaction when teased with a spiderI have many jobs, but money isn’t the only salary. Sometimes I work to torment my friends and family. It’s the Scorpio Asshole in me.

Take Heidi for example. She’s afraid of insects. Not in the “I don’t like bugs, icky!” mode. She’s bat-shit crazy about bugs and has been known to freak out when a bug lands on her windshield wiper while driving down the road. The thought of a spider crawling up her leg would motivate her to get a chainsaw and hack her leg to pieces.

Naturally, one of my jobs is to deliver a steady stream of insects to Heidi’s Facebook, SMS, and emails. Here are some recent additions.

Attack of the White Tail Spider

A kid with a serious obsession with pouring spiders on his body

Trees covered with thousands of spiders

Seemingly innocent hair ball erupts into thousands of fleeing spiders

The mother of all spiders is gonna get you!